If I could go back in time to change one thing when I first have Zenith (my eldest son), it would be setting routines earlier than I did. Routines would have smoothened many conflicts between Zenith and me.
I was at one end of the spectrum and my style was army style. I say this and you will do this. I say that and you will do that. You will not argue because I am your parent. How Zenith had suffered when I just started out as a father...
"I say this and you will do this. I say that and you will do that. You will not argue because I am your parent."
The other end of the spectrum is the 'give in to your child in everything' style. If the child wants a biscuit, give it to him/her. If the child wants the iPad, give it to him/her. If the child wants to watch television, turn it on for him/her.
Both extremes are bad.
The first one will raise a child who will not know how to make decisions and will wait for the parent for EVERY SINGLE THING. The second one will raise a child who is spoilt and self-centred, thinking the whole world will give in to him/her.
To have a routine will eliminate the disadvantages of both the approaches. Routines will help the child understand and predict what is going to happen. Routines will help the child understand that it is not always about them.
"To have a routine will eliminate the disadvantages of both the approaches."
What is a routine?
Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines it as:
a regular way of doing things in a particular order
It is important to know that a routine is not a timetable. It is the order of tasks that is familiar to the child. Timetable adds stress to the child because the child will need to learn to read the time properly and remember the task tied to the specific timing.
You will not want your child's attention to be divided when you first introduce a routine.
Routine is comfortable because the sequence is fixed regardless of the specific time.
Example: Evening Routine
My children are very familiar with the evening routine. They come home, wash their hands, wash their legs and then get ready for dinner. Then, they bathe and they have their playtime. After playtime is reading time or worksheet time. Finally, they get ready for their final beverage (milk) before they go to bed.
We can reach home at 8pm or 10pm. The routine is always the same. The time for each task might be different, but the structure is nearly always the same.
"The time for each task might be different, but the structure is nearly always the same."
Routines are good for your child
1. Routines mean security to the child. The younger the child, the more he/she is afraid of changes.
2. Routines allow the children to be responsible for themselves and their environment. They know they are expected to keep the toys before moving on to the next task. They know they are expected to be ready for shower time after playtime.
3. Routines let the children know what is upcoming and they will mentally prepare themselves for the next task.
4. Routines give the parent a chance to teach time management to the child.
5. Routines free up time for the parent to do other household chores. My children becomes 'automatic' after a while and the routine becomes a natural occurrence. They will do the next task naturally and this helps me to handle other chores like washing the clothes or taking out the trash.
If your child still do not have a routine, I highly encourage you to set one now.
If your child has a routine, what is the routine? Can you share with the rest of us here?
Next blog post: How to set up a proper routine for your child.
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