What Is The Secret Behind Motivating Your Child?

Have you ever looked at your child and think "If only I can push one button to make him 'wake up' and do his work, that will be great."

The good news is: it is very possible and I have done it couple of times. The bad news is: each child has his own time span in achieving this. Some may be very fast. Some may be very slow.

In my day to day tuition classes, there are two things I want to achieve:

1. Help the child in his weaker areas
2. Push the child bit by bit towards the "I want to do my work properly without people nagging at me."

There are generally four stages a child will go through:

Level 1: I don't want to do it.
Level 2: I think I want to do it.
Level 3: I want to do it and I think I can do it.
Level 4: I want to do it because I can do it.

Apart from marking and analysing my students' work, I seek to upgrade the students' level of motivation during each tuition session.

I have a P6 student with me since she was end P4. She had low self-efficacy (meaning she thinks that she cannot do many things) and it was affecting her work. She just refused to try hard enough to achieve the breakthrough. She was borderline passing and failing in her exams then. In her recent Prelims, she got 2 'A's and 2 'B's. I am proud of her because she has improved a lot compared to Day 1.

I am going to use her as a case study for today's write up because I brought her from Level 1 to Level 3 within a span of two years. It was really hard work.


Level 1: I don't want to do it.

Betty (not her real name) came to me before her P4 final year exams and her parents engaged me to help her on Math and Science. She was very quiet and did not bother to ask any questions. The first few lessons were mostly me talking and she just sat there and doodled on the worksheets.

After the first few weeks, I found out that she had very low self-efficacy and refused to try any questions that was slightly beyond her capability. This is bad because she will never improve if she don't try on the slightly more difficult questions.

In my tuition logbook, her scores were always very low and that was scary because she had very little time before her PSLE. There was a lot of content to catch up for both Math and Science.

Transition to Level 2
To upgrade her to Level 2, I told her one success story each week. Each story is always about a child/animal who refuses to try and has big successes after the child/animal decided to try.

My logbook record: "Betty displays no response to the stories."

It was a very trying period to me. There was no visible results for at least 5 weeks.

Then, the breakthrough came.

One day, while I was explaining some science concepts to her. Suddenly, she asked me, "Do you think I can do it?"

That was the breakthrough I was looking for.

I said firmly, "I believe you can do it."

From then on, she tried a bit harder each time she hit a difficult question. Add that all up over a long period of time. Viola! A big jump in her perseverance and results. 

Transition to Level 3
To transit her to Level 3, I celebrated small successes with her. Every time she overcome a difficult question, I would praise her for her effort. Sometimes, it was a smile. Sometimes, it was just me beaming with pride in front of her.

After about 9 months, she finally asked me for more homework during one of the lessons.

That was a breakthrough because she had moved from 'not willing to try' to 'I want to do and practise more'.

This is her current stage now. Time is against us because she will be taking her PSLE this Thursday.

Transition to Level 4
If she stays in tuition with me, I will try this out with her: Setting goals and self-checking on the milestones.

This is the most time-consuming phrase. It takes a lot of coaching and guidance. It takes a lot of 'hands-off' and trust. It takes a lot of rapport built over the last few years. This is a shifu-disciple relationship.


Last thing before I end: Parents! You must strive on! Sometimes, it takes a long time of incubation before your child achieve a breakthrough. If motivation can be built overnight, we will not have so many unmotivated kids around us now.

Stay tuned!

Cheers!
Mr Danny Lim